Help Topics

Here's some topics we'll be covering in upcoming issues.

1. How to fake a good push-up, even when muscle boy Toby is watching.

2. When is it safe to take off your thermal underwear if you live North of the Mason Dixon.

3. When is it safe to take off your thermal underwear if you live South of the Mason Dixon.

4. How to git your wife to mow the grass so you don't have to push that heavy sucker around the yard, (works 9 times outta 10).

5. Seven good excuses for layin in bed till noon (these work almost every time).

6. Several different ways to motivate your wife to pick up beer when she makes groceries.

7. How to fake a good chin-up --- OK, you got me on this one. It's not possible to fake a good chin-up when you can barely hang on to the damn bar. I got the dry heaves the last time I tried one, and I ain't doin that again any time soon.

8. The terror of havin to sit on a metal folding chair, and several things you can use as emergency padding. (Who the hell, besides churches, puts out metal folding chairs for folks to sit on, anyway. They've got it in for skinny guys, and I'm tellin ya, they ain't no friend of mine. Some folks think everybody's walkin around with a wad of blubber on their ass, like I AIN'T)